Self-Kindness, Self-Compassion and Self-Love is the Key
I have been witnessing a world losing their sanity and humanity to fear and tribalism. No matter what side of the fence you are on you cannot go through life filled with hate of those who are different and fear. Fear of losing your status, your home, your loved ones is driving us to pit ourselves against one another. We are becoming rigid and unwilling to lighten our hearts and be there for those who are most at need.
In a way to deal with the stress of the world, it seems that “self-care” is becoming the new buzz word.
Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it’s a simple concept in theory, it’s something we very often overlook. Good self-care is key to improved mood and reduced anxiety. It’s also key to a good relationship with oneself and others.
Forbes even had an article on self-care suggesting 10 simple habits
- Go for a run or a light jog.
- Meditate or do deep breathing for five minutes.
- Take a break when you need it.
- Choose who you spend time with.
- Laugh heartily at least once a day.
- Eat green daily.
- Avoid emotional eating.
- Start a journal.
- Learn to say ‘No.’
- Stop overthinking.
All theses suggestions are very worthy suggestions. But I feel many are missing the boat on self care. Self-compassion and self-kindness MUST come first in order to truly work on self care. What good does it do to go for a light run if the entire time you are telling yourself that you are fat and out of shape. How can you avoid emotional eating if you are so down on yourself that you are unwilling to look at your feelings towards yourself.
One of the best books I have read is Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, Ph.D. Would we ever say the things we say to ourselves to other human being. NO. We are much harder on ourselves and we need to stop.
I have only been working on self-compassion for a few months, but I have felt the difference and more importantly I have had others comment to me that they see a difference in me as well. I no longer strive for perfection at all costs. I have come to understand that imperfection is part of the human condition. My new mantra when I make a mistake is “Well that happened”. It is not the same as not caring or trying your best, it is about honoring your self and being kind when you might fail or make a mistake. It is learning to truly embrace yourself and who you are; wringles, bulges and mistakes. I am pretty fucking awesome. I am just sorry it has taken me 53 years to realize that.